Have you ever been stuck in limbo? Thats where we are at right now.. The most frustrating feeling ever!
I have been waiting for a "phone call" to get a potential surgery date for 4 weeks now.. & before that, even weeks prior. It's just an irritating process, when I am in a ton of pain, trying to make an incredibly hard decision on whether to change this dang pancreatic stent out or not prior to my total pancreatectomy or just ride it out..my doctor doesn't know what to do, I don't know what to do.. Like I said LIMBO! If I change it out, I'll be in the hospital for a week bc of my pancreas.. If I don't I could be putting myself at risk bc of the length of time the stent has been in there for... If I change it out I could/probably Will damage more of my very important islet cells for my transplant... What if I change the stents for nothing bc surgery gets scheduled within 4-6wks after stent exchange... If I wait.. I don't know...lots of decisions to be made for one little organ..hmmp.
These are the thoughts going through my mind daily, hourly sometimes!
I have been waiting for a "phone call" to get a potential surgery date for 4 weeks now.. & before that, even weeks prior. It's just an irritating process, when I am in a ton of pain, trying to make an incredibly hard decision on whether to change this dang pancreatic stent out or not prior to my total pancreatectomy or just ride it out..my doctor doesn't know what to do, I don't know what to do.. Like I said LIMBO! If I change it out, I'll be in the hospital for a week bc of my pancreas.. If I don't I could be putting myself at risk bc of the length of time the stent has been in there for... If I change it out I could/probably Will damage more of my very important islet cells for my transplant... What if I change the stents for nothing bc surgery gets scheduled within 4-6wks after stent exchange... If I wait.. I don't know...lots of decisions to be made for one little organ..hmmp.
These are the thoughts going through my mind daily, hourly sometimes!
I've started my mandatory weekly Pain Management group therapy sessions & they seem to be going well. I won't get into too much detail about them but my favorite part has been my ability to improve on my meditation or what they call in therapy as "mindfullness/relaxation exercises" I've gotten pretty good at them & at the end of my 6 weeks, I'll get a disk of my psychologist going through them like she does in class & I'll be able to put them on my iPod, which sounds dorky but Will be much helpful post-op (if it ever happens) & I'm in a lot of pain.. I'll be able to escape to that relaxation place & try to forget about the pain I am in & focus on other things within my body, my breathing, my thoughts, etc..
This therapy has also taught a lot about acceptance. Accepting how we are in the present & how we can't change what is going on with our chronic illnesses & to try to focus on the now, not the past(which I don't do.. Doesn't do me any good) but to focus on the here & now. It's very refreshing. Ive completed 4 out of my 6..so 2 more to go.. Hopefully that's all that's standing in my way.
This therapy has also taught a lot about acceptance. Accepting how we are in the present & how we can't change what is going on with our chronic illnesses & to try to focus on the now, not the past(which I don't do.. Doesn't do me any good) but to focus on the here & now. It's very refreshing. Ive completed 4 out of my 6..so 2 more to go.. Hopefully that's all that's standing in my way.
On a lighter side of things, this past month my entire family went to Aruba for a nice family vacation & get away. It was OH so needed & I'd like to go back NOW please! U think this was the perfect timing for the entire family to get away.. We are all so stressed about what's going on right now, even those who don't show it(I know it's there) it was great timing for a getaway! Let me just say Aruba is now One of my favorite places to be. The BEST weather around, it never rains, a breeze every day, beautiful clear water.. I couldn't ask for more! I had my amazing family by my side, my wonderful cousins who are more like my best friends & we had a blast. Can't wait & ready for our next trip! <3
I'd like to ask for some prayers of peace & relaxation throughout these next few weeks.. Pray for my doctors & their guidance to give me the best plan & a solid surgery date(finally), pray for peace within my mind(& my family bc I know this is wearing & tearing on them as well!) as well as relaxation.. I need to relax through all of these tough decisions & waiting around. I know God is watching over me & getting me through all the tough stuff but extra prayers are always welcomed!
I always appreciate the love & support & can't thank you enough!
Much love always.
I always appreciate the love & support & can't thank you enough!
Much love always.
<3 T
