13wk post-op visit, Holidays & a Brand New Year!!

WOW! Where do I even begin! I've been wanting to sit down & write this post for a very long time now, but as you know, life can get in the way sometimes.. In good & bad ways... SO many things have been going on lately & I have plenty to update you on so bear with me with this long post I'm about to write for you.  :)

First off, let me begin with Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! LOL That was a mouth full all in itself! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season... I enjoyed my holidays... I didn't quite enjoy the eating/food side of my holidays, due to the fact that I'm still dealing with loss of appetite, pain when I eat food & lots of nausea! It's a battle all in itself just dealing with the food side of my recovery & it's very exhausting but I'm pushing through daily! I still enjoyed just being with my family & spending time with them.. That's all that mattered to me honestly! Those are some of my favorite times of the year; I get to spend time with my cousins who are more like my siblings & we just enjoy each others company & have fun at Yiayias, until Easter time & summer! It gets my mind off of how tedious of a process this recovery has become & how it truly is going to be up to a year or more for my body to get back to where it should be & I just have to go with the flow; a difficult task at times I'm not gonna lie.

My pain has subsided a decent amount, which I'm thankful for. I'm still very uncomfortable & dealing with "phantom pains" & "phantom attacks" quite frequently at this point. My surgeon has told me they'll come less & less with time & the more my body settles into my new body & gets use to things, although just as I've stressed about a million times now, it's a timely process, a waiting game, & I just have to go with the flow... My surgeon & transplant team are very happy & thrilled with my outcome so far! This gives me hope & the encouragement to keep pushing forward, especially on my toughest days! ::knock on wood:: My glucose levels are still in very good ranges & I very rarely have to do corrections for out of whack sugars right now! I thank God daily for this gift, this easy transition & for giving me some ease with this part of my recovery!! I couldn't be more thrilled! I pray daily it stays this way, or continues to just thrive & get even better as time goes on!!! Only God has those answers...

So now the game plan is to continue to keep my nausea at bay.. So I'm sticking to my strict around the clock scheduled dosing of nausea meds, keep my phantom pains under control & still work on my appetite as well as I can... Which is SO easier said than done! In the next month I'll be starting a new program with MUSC, for "better quality of life" (that's how they word the program) but it will assist me in hopefully, weening me down all of my extremely high dose pain medications & at minimum get me to a manageable lower dose for better quality of life, if not hoping completely off of them! It's an extremely long process, so who knows when it'll all be said & done, it all has to deal with how my body reacts, how my pain reacts, how I do daily & to do it safely! '‹the joys of living with a chronic illness›'

I've also been dealing with a systemic issue, if you will... My body is going through stress mode due to how extremely stressful the surgery truly is on your body... My body broke out in horrible welts/acne-like bumps but much worse (almost in the form of shingles but they aren't shingles) all over my entire back, down my booty, part of my leg, my face.. It has been the worst thing ever! Of course with the ones on my back, I couldn't get comfortable with laying down, & I already wasn't comfortable sleeping to begin with so that made it worse, I had to cover every tiny welt with a special medication & band aids, so you can imagine how comfortable that could feel(& this is on my face as well), they itch too!! Add to everything, I can't take steroids to help speed the recovery process up.. So it's been a nightmare!! This has been going on now for approx. 2 months..
I saw my dermatologist last week & he was very happy with the healing process & did say they were about 60-70% better so that was very good to hear & encouraging! Thank the wonderful Lord for helping me with that... Now I just need a little more help with these last extra spots that are hanging around & are being truly stubborn!

So it may seem like nothing's really changed but a lot has changed... It's just been at a very slow pace... And again, please forgive me for my absence the past few months in not posting... I just got a little lazy & then dealing with these horrible welts, the holidays & so forth, things got away from me.

Thank you for keeping up with me still & continuing to keep me in your prayers & thoughts! I truly appreciate them, feel them & still need them, so keep them coming whenever your kind souls think of me. I can't thank you enough for them, the love & support!! My support team behind me truly is amazing & has rallied through the good, bad & ugly & my thank you's aren't enough! I love you guys so very much!!
When you're thinking about me & sending those prayers out for me, send out some extra prayers for some dear friends of mine as well, who are going through their own struggles as well: Lindsey, Tiffany, Riley, my moms friend from college, Julie, Robin, Leon, Mallory, & Amber ...just to name a few(please forgive me if I left your name out by accident.. You know I'm praying for you ALL!!)

                    Until next time... ‹3 T

3 musketeers having fun at Christmas!❅
Wouldn't have it any other way!! 

My best friend Alexis'engagement party
My very 1st outing since the big surgery!!

Trouble in paradise?

I wouldn't go THAT far as to say it's trouble in paradise but I guess I can say a mini bump..a crack in the glass..a slight dimness in my candle.. 

Another part to this recovery process that's one of the most difficult parts to it is keeping your mindfulness throughout the entire process. Staying positive each & every day; day in & day out. While I have no appetite what so ever, whenever I take a bite of whatever I've attempted to try & it has ZERO taste or I take a sip of something & I want to spit it across the room bc it tastes so repulsive & once I've forced myself to try the tiny handful of whatever & endured the pain it's given me as well as the nausea at this point, I'm at my breaking point.. But I keep my positive attitude as best as I can. I pray to my dear Lord to give me strength & get through this difficult recovery & time & these next months. He's done so much for me so far & has been such an amazing God.. He won't fail me now! It's just so incredibly difficult to see that light at the end of the tunnel when my mom is physically having to walk me up the stairs, bc I'm so nauseous I can't think straight, to put me to bed, to sleep off this pain & nausea state Ive been put into all due to a little bit of food: that in my mind should be nutritious to my body but instead I feel like is poisoning my body right now. Dear amazing Lord of mine, please get me through this difficult time with my nutrition & I know I'll eventually get to where I need to be. This is probably a tad worse than the pain im still experiencing & recovering from on a daily basis.. They're both bad on separate levels so they're hard to compare to one another but this situation definitely makes it to the top of the list.. 

My blood sugars are doing well, I'm not complaining, I promise I'm not complaining.. But I am having difficulties right now.. I've hit a bit of a road block these last few weeks. I've hit a bit of a, I don't know what, with my long acting insulin, where I'm experimenting a bit with it & I think I found a fix to that, although it's something I wasn't too happy with in the beginning honestly..I went up one unit on my Lantus as a trial to see how it would effect my blood sugars. They peaked & I couldn't understand why.. & the numbers game is the hardest of all with this surgery & recovery!! Especially when you're islet cells are suppose to be thriving & maturing & you have NO idea what their suppose to be, how their suppose to be etc.!  It makes me scared for my islet cells & that's a common fear with this surgery. The idea of going up in numbers terrifies me honestly! I guess bc I've been blessed up until this point with such good numbers, seeing them falter I can't handle it.. So the change worked.. 

I am having to do an "experiment " with my clinical trial I enrolled in before my surgery. This is required for your 75day & 365day work-up appointment, you have to log your blood sugars for 2weeks prior fasting, prior to your meals & after within 2hrs.. Let me tell you how much of a mind game THAT is! I don't ever check my sugars after I eat.. I typically check within 5-6hrs after so they've stabilized at that point.. Within the 2hr time frame, I'm having high sugars & having to correct them, something totally different from my routine I've done for 2 months! I'm not liking it.. I've learned my body is extremely sensitive to sweets, which is KILLING me. I was never a super sweet fanatic, don't get me wrong, but now that I'm unable to have them, makes me want them even more at times! (I never craved sweets before unless I was going into a pancreatic attack bc I was sufficient in a lot of things!) I have found alternatives to my "baby cravings" but honestly it isn't the same & truthfully I wasn't even eating enough of the real stuff to truly make my sugars go as high as they were in the first place! It just makes it SO not worth it! 

These are the things that are going through my head day in & day out the past few days & they just won't let go. I'm praying morning, noon & night & I know God is with me for better, worse & the inbetween but this is just difficult. Another part of the recovery that's showed it's true colors.. I have calmed a bit since talking to my trusty cousin who's been living with diabetes for years & he's been a big help to me & I can't thank him enough! It's always great to have this continued support & love from everyone & I'm truly blessed to have this support, encouragement & love!! 

Please continue to pray for my important islet cells to be okay, continue to thrive & mature within my trusty liver & put my fears to rest in that department.
Pray for peace, comfort, willpower to continue on, strength & courage!! I know the good Lord is with me through this difficult journey & will give me everything I need, when he's ready. The extra prayers & support are always welcomed, felt & completely appreciated!!
I love you all so very much! «3