Word for thought..

 In the past 5 years, I've definitely become more resilient & stronger.  I've overcame things I NEVER knew I could overcome.  I'm so thankful for God, my faith & the strength I've been given to get me through all my struggles & challenges day in & day out with this disease, and I am ready to take on this next chapter in my life in recovery to finally beat this horrible disease.  I am thankful I am being given the opportunity to fight this disease off & trade my disease for another (although the trade off does sound a little grim, I'll trade my CP for T1D anyday if it's going to give me a true life I haven't had in years) I don't know what it's like to live like a normal 20something year old because all I've done is be sick, live in the hospital, be connected to IV's, take medicine, have IVs connected to me 24/7 at home, & so forth & so on.  Taking this trade off & getting a second chance at life is such a blessing & gift from God, I don't know how to give my thanks, except to help others & help them through their experience through blogging, meeting others like myself & sharing my experience, & giving back to the world with my new, healthy body I am getting ready to receive!!  I can't wait to scream from the roof tops how happy and healthy I am, once that day comes, I'll be smiling from ear to ear & praying to God, THANKING GOD, that I am alive, healthy & living my newly given life.  Thank you to EVERYONE who prays for me daily, sends out those amazing text messages & supporting emails, FB posts, phone calls, etc to myself & my family.  They are so greatly appreciated and I feel your strength & it lifts me up daily.  Thank you Thank you!!  The prayers are still greatly appreciated & all of your continued support is welcomed. 

 I will update when there is something to update with (more than likely after my visit to Charleston in 2 weeks).  I am coping right now.  It's definitely a struggle right now, but a struggle I am taking on with stride.  I CAN and I WILL get through this next month (or a few months, whatever I am handed) til my surgery.  I know I can do it because I am stronger than I feel sometimes, but God is right there with me every step of the way, carrying me through the difficult parts I may not feel like I can get through on my own.  These struggles with my pain, fatigue & exhaustion, & then insomnia, anxiety, & everything else I am just handing over to my faith & praying it's taken care of.  Everything will work itself out & all will be A-OK! :)

See you in a few weeks (::fingers crossed:: with some great news) 

<3 T

  

Control..

We may not always understand the struggle at the moment but it's truth will reveal itself when ready! God is in control! #amen  Releasing that control to God is a very frightening thing.  Now being in control of your life is a very frightening thing; or at least feeling like you're not in control of your life.. the truth of the matter is, you are completely in control of it.  God knows your path, every single bit of it & he will guide you to the exact place you need to be!  It's already been planned out for you.  No need to fret on the little things (although TRUST ME, it is very hard not too at times) everything will be A-OK! God is with you through this entire journey in this crazy thing we call life & he will bring us to the right place were suppose to be, at the right time!! Keep that faith!! <3

When life throws you lemons..

Words very heavy in my heart.

 Just living with a chronic illness has it's own struggles day in & day out.  Keeping my strong faith helps me keep my positive attitude throughout this entire process, set backs, difficulties & struggles, good & bad days: all of the above.  It's the knowing that there is a higher power above ultimately making that end decision & he is in ultimate control of everything; God is Good & he will make everything better.(This I DO believe)  Through all the financial struggles, insurance issues & difficulties & uncertainties going on, I have true faith in God that through these deep waters, he is my strength, my refuge, & he will show that miracle when it is time to shine!  Lesson from this blog isn't just for those struggling from a chronic illness or disease; it's for everyone! Everyone has daily struggles, whether it's a career struggle, reaching a goal, fighting your inner self, whatever it may be:  the key is to KEEP YOUR FAITH.  You can't reach those goals & dreams without faith in yourself & a higher being.  Losing faith is why you're always starting over & why things fail constantly.  Stay in tune with yourself & keep your faith; you CAN do this, what it is!

Always remember to keep that faith!! ✞

When I am afraid I will put all trust in you. Psalm 56:3 

Trust in the lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

With Love <3

Love & Gratitude

When I first became ill, I kept it very quiet in the beginning.  The main people that knew were my main family members & just a couple of my close friends.  To be honest, I didn't really take it that seriously in the beginning.  Even with the research I did, I thought, "oh after a surgery or two, I'll be as good a new.. even though I feel like crap now; all of this will work out & I'll be fine, no big deal" HA!  Little did I know, I was in for the ride of my life; surgery after surgery, tests & labs one after another, so many hospital stays I can't even count or keep track of anymore.. Who would have thought when all of this first began, I would have ended up here, and I'd be in for a surgery of a lifetime:  pancreas removal ..  Surgically induced type 1 diabetic.. Life changer!!  I sure as heck never thought that in the very beginning, that's for sure.  I have learned SO much through all of this that life is not a joke nor should we ever take anything for-granted. You never know when it may change in a split second before you; due to a car accident, birth defects (like in my case) & then complications of a surgical procedure, life events or personal family matters -- anything out there can happen for life altering events.  We take our lives for-granted so often; take a step back & appreciate what we truly have in our lives:  our families & friends, LIFE, air in our lungs, the chance to make relationships with people, for some people health, fitness & nutrition, education & careers, etc.  Stop & smell the roses every once in a while & appreciate the little things again.. Remember to tell the people in your life you love them & they matter to you.  

Ever since my illness has become more chronic & especially recently, the more people have learned about what is to come in my upcoming future with surgery & recovery; I have had an outpouring of love & affection from an incredible amount of friends & family.  A lot of them are from my spiritual family at church, which is so humbling at the outpouring love & support I've received from them.  Spiritual family members are there for you in time of need & the amount of love & support I have received in just the last few weeks (and even just today) was overwhelming wonderful.  Words can't express how thankful, blessed, loved & appreciative I am for all of the support, love & prayers I am receiving.  Knowing I have all of that support behind me & having that extra backbone truly helps; lifts that little bit of anxiety off my shoulders in time of despair & knowing you have all of those people in your corner praying for you is comforting in those times of need.  I feel like I can't show enough gratitude towards everyone but I truly am so incredibly gracious!!  Thank you for the continued prayers in the upcoming weeks & months through this entire process.  I'll continue to thank every one of you as I see you individually, as well as showing my appreciation throughout the entire community whenever possible.

I've met some incredible people along this journey so far that will forever be my friends through this thing called life.  We all share a special bond; our pasts (soon to be mine as well) include CP, and we've all gone through or are getting ready to go through a difficult path towards the road to recovery: TP/AIT.  The best part is we share this special bond of having overcame this amazingly debilitating disease & fought like hell to get to where we are today.. I know I sure as hell will be doing that.. recovery isn't easy I'm being reminded day in & day out from my fellow friends:  but there IS a silver lining at the end of the tunnel with the light waiting for you. NO PANCREAS PAIN.  No more daily heavy dose pain meds to make the pancreas pain go away (after some time passes from surgery of course).  You get to EAT again.  You get your LIFE back! I am in.  Thank you to every one of my fellow TP/AIT troupers; you guys will forever be my friends & support through all of this.. I couldn't have asked God to bring a better group of people into my life for support & guidance through this entire process; that alone was it's own miracle.  I look forward to the day we can officially celebrate the right way! 

Much Love & Gratitude
xo-T

.Mini pictionary blog night.

Tonight will be a short blog post.. Instead I'm using some imaging to interrupt my thoughts as my main blog.. A lot of times I have SO many thoughts running through my jumbled up brain of mine that I have a hard time forming complete thoughts to write a single topic for you guys.. sooo instead I'm sticking to a little pictionary, if you will for my blog.   Let's get creative here...

Women know this statement is true to it's word.. Those stilettos are OH SO beautiful on the outside, but wreak havoc on the inside...pretty similar to what I'm going through with my CP & pancreatic disorder.  I'm pretty known for putting up a front of having this smile on my face, going about my every day life as much as possible, pushing my illness to the back-burner & trying not to wear my illness on my sleeve. That isn't always the case, but just like the stiletto no matter the pain, you'll see me trying to push my beauty out first & foremost & make the best out of it!!

My faith has kept me going through all of this & has just grown stronger, the harder this journey has gotten. My relationship with God will continue to grown stronger, just as it should & with all the prayers & hopeful success in surgery, my journey will eventually become a little less deep.

Taking myself out of this equation, I think about this on a daily basis.. Bullying is no joke; people put up fronts to cover up what is going on deep inside of them, whether it's illness, pain, personal issues, heartbreak etc.  Don't judge a book by it's cover:  people may put up a barriers for protection or to avoid pity.  Try to view things from their side of things prior to judgement.

No caption truly needed for this picture!!  Unfortunately, I have a handful of people in all 3 of these groups; which I wish I could say I didn't.  It makes my heart ache & sad to say this, and I don't understand the reasoning for this; although I know God has a true reasoning for this & I trust in him for throwing this at me & giving me these situations.  It only makes me stronger & is a good learning experience.  I have learned good lessons from it.

Throughout this ENTIRE journey, I've never lost hope that every surgery I've had would work, or every scan/labs would turn out better than the next, etc.. I know God is there bringing me that hope that I've been holding out for & when it happens(because I can feel that lining is right around the corner) it is going to be epic & life changing!!
God is with me!!

Make It Count!!

Make today count!! Make your fitness count, make your nutrition count, make your feelings/emotions count: WHATEVER IT is, make it count; Make it WORTH doing today!
My fit tip for today was to go outside & push yourself just a little further than you typically would on a normal day with your fitness.  Do 20 extra push ups, 50 extra lunges, run .5-1 extra mile.. You can do it! Your body CAN handle it.. wanna know how I know this.. Because I've done it & did it this morning in my house.. I pushed my fitness level just a little bit more than I thought I could... Was it difficult Heck Yeah! but I did it. You can increase your success without pushing yourself! If you can't go outside, DO IT inside!

Nutrition
Always a touchy subject these days... Diets..DUN DUN DUUN!! You see them everywhere.. "Paleo, carb cycling, Atkins, South Beach Diet, Mediterranean, IF," & the list goes ON & ON & ON!!
You want to know what ALL of these diets have in common with one another... « drum roll please » They ALL involve eating whole clean, unprocessed foods!! THE key here is to eliminate all processed foods from your diets, ingredients you don't recognize & stop eating them; everything else will fall into place!!
It's taking things back to basics, it's just are you ready to fully commit to that challenge!! It isn't meant to be easy, that's why it's called a struggle/challenge; although things worth fighting for are worth the fight in the end!! ALWAYS :)