Monday, October 26, 2015

Trouble in paradise?

I wouldn't go THAT far as to say it's trouble in paradise but I guess I can say a mini bump..a crack in the glass..a slight dimness in my candle.. 

Another part to this recovery process that's one of the most difficult parts to it is keeping your mindfulness throughout the entire process. Staying positive each & every day; day in & day out. While I have no appetite what so ever, whenever I take a bite of whatever I've attempted to try & it has ZERO taste or I take a sip of something & I want to spit it across the room bc it tastes so repulsive & once I've forced myself to try the tiny handful of whatever & endured the pain it's given me as well as the nausea at this point, I'm at my breaking point.. But I keep my positive attitude as best as I can. I pray to my dear Lord to give me strength & get through this difficult recovery & time & these next months. He's done so much for me so far & has been such an amazing God.. He won't fail me now! It's just so incredibly difficult to see that light at the end of the tunnel when my mom is physically having to walk me up the stairs, bc I'm so nauseous I can't think straight, to put me to bed, to sleep off this pain & nausea state Ive been put into all due to a little bit of food: that in my mind should be nutritious to my body but instead I feel like is poisoning my body right now. Dear amazing Lord of mine, please get me through this difficult time with my nutrition & I know I'll eventually get to where I need to be. This is probably a tad worse than the pain im still experiencing & recovering from on a daily basis.. They're both bad on separate levels so they're hard to compare to one another but this situation definitely makes it to the top of the list.. 

My blood sugars are doing well, I'm not complaining, I promise I'm not complaining.. But I am having difficulties right now.. I've hit a bit of a road block these last few weeks. I've hit a bit of a, I don't know what, with my long acting insulin, where I'm experimenting a bit with it & I think I found a fix to that, although it's something I wasn't too happy with in the beginning honestly..I went up one unit on my Lantus as a trial to see how it would effect my blood sugars. They peaked & I couldn't understand why.. & the numbers game is the hardest of all with this surgery & recovery!! Especially when you're islet cells are suppose to be thriving & maturing & you have NO idea what their suppose to be, how their suppose to be etc.!  It makes me scared for my islet cells & that's a common fear with this surgery. The idea of going up in numbers terrifies me honestly! I guess bc I've been blessed up until this point with such good numbers, seeing them falter I can't handle it.. So the change worked.. 

I am having to do an "experiment " with my clinical trial I enrolled in before my surgery. This is required for your 75day & 365day work-up appointment, you have to log your blood sugars for 2weeks prior fasting, prior to your meals & after within 2hrs.. Let me tell you how much of a mind game THAT is! I don't ever check my sugars after I eat.. I typically check within 5-6hrs after so they've stabilized at that point.. Within the 2hr time frame, I'm having high sugars & having to correct them, something totally different from my routine I've done for 2 months! I'm not liking it.. I've learned my body is extremely sensitive to sweets, which is KILLING me. I was never a super sweet fanatic, don't get me wrong, but now that I'm unable to have them, makes me want them even more at times! (I never craved sweets before unless I was going into a pancreatic attack bc I was sufficient in a lot of things!) I have found alternatives to my "baby cravings" but honestly it isn't the same & truthfully I wasn't even eating enough of the real stuff to truly make my sugars go as high as they were in the first place! It just makes it SO not worth it! 

These are the things that are going through my head day in & day out the past few days & they just won't let go. I'm praying morning, noon & night & I know God is with me for better, worse & the inbetween but this is just difficult. Another part of the recovery that's showed it's true colors.. I have calmed a bit since talking to my trusty cousin who's been living with diabetes for years & he's been a big help to me & I can't thank him enough! It's always great to have this continued support & love from everyone & I'm truly blessed to have this support, encouragement & love!! 

Please continue to pray for my important islet cells to be okay, continue to thrive & mature within my trusty liver & put my fears to rest in that department.
Pray for peace, comfort, willpower to continue on, strength & courage!! I know the good Lord is with me through this difficult journey & will give me everything I need, when he's ready. The extra prayers & support are always welcomed, felt & completely appreciated!!
I love you all so very much! «3

Thursday, October 15, 2015

1 month post-op visit!

WOW! I can't believe (a) I've actually made it to my 1 month post-op visit lol & (b) Has time stood still or did the time fly by?!?!

Things have been so crazy on my end I don't even know where to begin.. Let me just say, as I've said before... When I was forewarned about this recovery being one of the hardest things I'll go through in my life.. BOY were those people RIGHT!! I don't mean to say that to scare you guys in any way (especially if you're considering this surgery) but it's the honest truth & doesn't need to be sugar coated.. When my doctors told me it would be a year for recovery, I can see why now! The thing that has truly gotten me through just these first 5 weeks is my AMAZING support system; my awesome parents & grandparents, family that have been able to come around, some very amazing & blessed friends, as well & my awesome, amazing God!! I wouldn't be where I am today without the good Lord!! I can not begin to say thank you enough for all of the beautiful flowers I've received so far, as well as the sweet "Get Well" cards... Those make my day brighter everytime I see them & I enjoy every single one!!! With this recovery, I haven't ever experienced pain, the nausea & just a plain uncomfortable feeling as I have since surgery. My pain is still unfortunately still pretty bad, & my nausea isn't letting up much either. On top of my abdominal / back pain, I'm still having that obnoxious shoulder pain every couple days.. I was told today at my appt that it's still referred pain from my diaphragm being irritated & inflammed from surgery & who's to know how long that could take. My appetite hasn't returned & as I wrote before, could take up to 6-8 months before making its appearance again.. So until then we're going full force with the Boost Glucose Control & whatever tiny bit of protein I can stomach(3/4 grilled nuggets) followed by horrible pain from my new digestive system & extreme nausea.
I'm slowly working on getting comfortable in my own bed, yes it's taken me 5+weeks to STILL find that comfortable spot.. We're still working on it! LOL
I get exhausted after pretty much every activity I do right now, also a nice side effect of the surgery & my slowly having to regain all of my strength back. It's very hard for me & frustrating at times(this is the one thing I'm having a hard time grasping just because I'm use to going whenever & now I totally can't!) I have to nap after I eat, shower, go for a mini walk(to the stop sign & back), have visitors.. Doing anything takes a lot out of you..
It's SO wonderful having visitors though.. That always brightens my afternoon or evening up so if you're contemplating wanting to come by, please do.. Just shoot mom or I a text & well be looking out for u! :-)
I THINK.. Yes, think, i have officially gotten rid of every piece of tape residue that was residing on my body.. Finally!! You guys don't realize just HOW MUCH tape residue you acquire from being in the ICU for 5.5 days & the floor for 1.5days..its insane & EVERYWHERE! hah

My 1st monthly post-op doctors appointment went fairly well! The nutritionist, PA & my surgeon all said I looked really good & were happy to see how I looked. The nutritionist isn't worried with how my appetite isn't there, & she reiterated to me the timing it could take before it's epic return.. Like I'm. Constantly. Reminded... It's a Slow Steady Recovery... A year before you'll be back to normal.. I was told that again today.. No one wants to hear that.. Everyone was pleased with my blood sugar levels! Woohoo GO ME! I'm working hard on keeping those levels stable right now... Remember everyone.. We still need prayers & more prayers for those growing, thriving islet cells that were transplanted into my liver!! They need to keep growing & thriving so they'll work properly!! No dying for my cells!!!
My surgeon's plan for the next month is to hopefully get my pain & nausea a bit more under control. We've changed & upped my pain meds just a bit, as well as put me on a scheduled dose for my nausea meds.. The more they're in my system, the better controlled it'll be.. Similar to the pain-or any other type of medicine for that matter. I also had a little mini procedure during my visit today; I've had some sutures sticking out of my neck ever since a RN took out my central line, but left some souvenirs lol.. My surgeon got some pick-ups & started, ever so delicately(NO joke.. I couldn't even feel her moving & one suture was WAY embedded in my skin) started dissecting it out. There's still a little suture left but nothing like before! Go Dr Morgan! :)

I head back down to Charleston next month for another monthly visit, my appointment with the endocrinologist, as well as a clinical trial study work-up appointment.. If this appointment didn't exhaust me, next months agenda definitely will!

Thank you guys again SO much for all of your love, support & encouragement!! I wouldn't be where I am at today without everyone & I truly appreciate, love & am so grateful for every single one of you guys!!
                     SO MUCH LOVE 3
My scar the day after surgery, a few days after & recently now that the staples are out

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

12 days post-op

I'm 12 days post-op today... I'm so proud of myself for getting this far, but boy has it been a struggle to get this far, just 12 days I know! When they tell you recovery is one of the hardest things you'll go through, it truly is!

Looking back at my days in the hospital, I'm totally shocked at how much of a breeze it was for me & how well I did.. The pain meds & epidural totally helped with that 100% no doubt, but God helped me get through those days just a little easier. I remember the majority of my time in the hospital, where I have some friends who have expressed they didn't remember much of their time in the hospital, or especially the time in the ICU..; the first few days were extremely difficult pain wise, trying to get the pain pump meds corrected, as well as getting the epidural meds correct.. None of my pain meds were really working right that first night, so I was pretty miserable, getting minimal relief in the beginning... Once things got adjusted I was good to go for a few days.. 

When my surgeon told my family how my pancreas looked(diseased, hardened, inflammed & fibrous) I was shocked to hear that come out of moms mouth to be honest. I knew I had been sick, & that I had been going on for a while, but not to this extent.. It's funny.. I wanted my pancreas to be sick because I didn't want to have gone through this surgery for nothing, but I definitely wasn't expecting this extreme of a sickness.. Thank the good Lord that organ is finally out of my body for good & isn't making me sick anymore! 

My sugars were running pretty great & stable almost right out of the OR, which worked in my favor. I started off on the insulin drip, they took me off of it pretty quickly, still having my glucose checks every 30minutes from my femoral A-line (bc my veins suck completely & they couldn't get an A-line on either arm, & I have nice bruises from that & they tried twice for the femoral before striking gold!) I stayed off the insulin drip for a good while, but had to be out back on it for a short while, while taking my sugars every hour for a while.. After the first 16/18hrs the drip was discontinued, if I have my hours right, & my sugars were still being checked every hour for a while, then went to every 4 hours.. Let me tell you, that A-line was a lifesaver for those sticks!!

I had some excruciating pain in my shoulders coming out of surgery, that I'm still battling in my left shoulder unfortunately... It has gone down immensely but the pain I was experiencing I couldn't explain. My doctors said it was referred pain from my diaphragm being irritated & agitated during surgery. The unfortunate thing about that is that there's not much you can do about it, except let it run its course.. Let the diaphragms inflammation go down & the pain will subside.. So massage & ice pack the shoulders & pray it goes away ASAP. It wasn't ASAP for me though lol & boy was that a miserable pain, along with my surgical pain.. & it's funny how my pain meds weren't helping with my shoulder pain AT ALL!!
Because of my femoral A-line placement, I was confined to the bed a little longer than I typically would have been.. Due to the fact they didn't want me moving & causing any blood clots or dislodging the A-line. Once the line was removed, my nurse got me up for my first time trip to the chair.. We even ventured out to the nurses station & back before sitting in the chair for a few hours. It felt so weird & painful walking( thank you epidural! )

I would get up daily & sit in the chair & thr following say physical therapy came to visit to help walk with me a bit more in the unit.. I had a handy dandy walker by my side for stability, which helped me so much, esp because I couldn't, & still can't!, stand up straight bc of my incision & abdominal pain.. After the second day, I was pretty much using my own body weight to stand up from the chair & using the walker as my stability clutch more so..

I'm so thankful for my many visitors I've had that came from Greenville, Columbia,  Myrtle Beach, Atlanta & here in Charleston to visit! You guys didn't have to go through that much trouble to visit in the first place & coming to spend time with me while I was recovering meant the world to me!! My wonderful friends, family, & family friends are just so special to me for thinking of me through this difficult time, much less coming by & spending time with my family and myself!!
Before going to the OR
It's been so nice being out if the hospital relaxing here at the hotel the past few days, while we wait for my follow-up appointment. It was a much wiser decision to stay closer in town, instead of heading back to Greenville straight after discharge for my peace of mind, & because of the amount of pain I have been in.. Driving wouldn't be the easiest... Better do it once instead of 3x so soon..
Eating has been the hardest on me... My appetite just completely sucks, which is common & normal with this surgery... It could take up to 6months to get my appetite back to normal.. I have no desire to eat anything, no taste for anything, nothing tastes good.. Extreme nausea & intense & extreme pain during & after I eat.. Everything is working against me.  It'll get better with time but right now it's not my thing.

I'm still in an incredible amount of pain in my back & abdominal area(& my shoulder) I know I'm only 12 days out & my surgeon isn't worried about that, it's completely normal.. But the pain is miserable & my life has revolved around this.. It would be wonderful to wake up one day without pain at all!

I had my staples removed today, which wasn't the most pleasant experience. The resident truly was compassionate and did work with me as much as he could.. I can't lay down flat, so that didn't help him, & where my incision hits, is in a funky position so it made it a bit difficult for him to get a couple of the staples. Some of the staples came out super easy.. & then others HOLY COW!! I thought my heart was going to pound through my chest with how much it hurt.. & now my incision looks so weird & ugly.. It does have some dry, scabby area that I know will come off eventually in the shower but if it doesn't "shape up" better I'm going to be so upset over this...
I think I'll be pulling tape & tape residue off my body for the next year, with how much tape & dressings I've had over me the past 2 weeks in such a small area.. I'll have some good battle wounds, my central line scar on my neck, JP tube drain, surgical incision, & my femoral A-line.. I would have had another drain site for my islet cells but they had to manually inject the cella instead if insert a catheter because my vein was *once again* too small & unable too for the procedure lol.. Can you see a consistent theme within my body.. Too small veins & arteries! Crazy right! I'm still swollen around my abdomen & legs a bit.. NOTHING compared to what it was like in the hospital & the days following discharge, but the swelling hasn't completely gone down yet... It will eventually.. 

I think I've updated with everything.. If I missed something I'm sorry...I'll remember & add it to the next post. :)  please continue your prayers for strength & courage to get me through this difficult recovery.. Although it may seem like I'm over the hump, this will be one of my greatest challenges.. God truly has blessed me so far, getting me to this point & he has been with me this entire journey.. I wouldn't have made it this far without him, no doubt!! I wouldn't have made it without your support and love either! My utmost respect, love & gratitude for all the support, encouragement and strength I've been receiving from everyone of you guys! I truly appreciate your taking the time out to send the texts, emails, phone calls, prayers etc.. I look forward to being back home in the coming days & being back in my own bed, recovering in my own house!
I can't wait to start seeing all of you guys that have expressed wanting to come visit as well.. Looking forward to our visits!
      
A couple pics from my hospital stay
A couple pics from my hospital stay

                        SO much love «3

Sunday, August 30, 2015

4 days post-op .... & SOME

Wow! I'm officially saying this... 4days post-op...all I can truly say is that these last 4 days have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, extreme pain, exhaustion, meeting I can't tell you HOW many different doctors, & god knows what else...

I'm not going to get into extreme details about my surgery at this time just because I'm still heavily medicated & when I type those blogs relating to surgery, I'd like for them to have detail & such... What I've heard on numerous occasions,that I can confirm, is that the surgery went very well, my surgeon was very pleased with how the islet extraction went & that my pancreas was very diseased when she removed it... Thank god that organ is FINALLY out of my system for good!

We've had a rough time with getting my epidural and pain pump levels to where they need to be... Ive been battling some major shoulder pain, contributed from the diaphragm being irritated during surgery so much, along with physical placement on the OR table.. Doesn't help matters::my parents were told it was like laying on concrete for 10hrs.. ouch), & of course abdominal pain.
The epidural is definitely doing it's job pain wise and will not be removed for a few days , as well as my pain pump... I'm taking some oral medications now, but towards the end of my stay everything will transition to all oral until I'm at that point of getting off them for good!! (I'll be having a party that day... Along with a party when I'm feeling like my normal self again! )

Thank you!! Thank you so very much to everyone who kept in close contact with my parents, Yiayia and Papou, along with friends & their friends!! I feel so blessed beyond words & there just aren't enough words in the dictionary for me to describe how grateful I am for each & every one of you!!! I love you all & hold a very special place in my heart!!

           Mini update ¦ September 1st:

It has been a difficult few days, but we've made lots of progress as well.. My legs & belly are extremely swollen, & thats very painful... Hopefully that'll go down the more I can start to move & be mobile :)
I'm pretty much off all of my drips except my study drug right now... Awesomeness right?! I according to the doctors I'm doing great... My femoral A-line has been removed, which means I have to prick my fingers for blood sugars now, blows a little but I can handle it... I brought my own lancet to do it myself so it's been all good... My pain pump was removed & I'm on some heavy PO meds, along with IV breakthrough, which has been used very steadily to be honest... My epidural & abdominal drain are still in but that is it.. I need to do a a couple things that have been very difficult... Eating is one of those things... I have no appetite & just having a hard time adjusting to this diabetic diet thing... Who being in the hospital where I'm being monitored by the minute..everything will happen when it's suppose to happen & i know that but recovery is h.a.r.d!!!
Thank you so much again for your continued support, encouragement, love & prayers...they're felt & loved SO much! Keep them up for me bc the difficult parts of this tasks haven't ended yet!
                       Much love always ‹3

Friday, August 28, 2015

Day after surgery

Hello everyone!!! This is Maria Tiffanys mom. Wanted to let you all know her  surgery went well... Her pancreas was very diseased,hard and inflamed.. The doctor  said other than that everything else looked good  So thankful that they finally took it out!! That took about 6 hours to do. After that we went to ICU to wait while they harvested her islet cells. That  took maybe 4 hours or so. Then they called and said her islet cells were ready to be put into the liver.. Around  240,000 islet cells were put in. Doctors said they were hoping for 100,000 so I guess what she got was really good! After they finished they took her back to ICU and they finally woke her up!!! She was in a lot of pain as to be expected. Laying on a hard table for so long is rough!! After a short time she was breathing on her own  and told the nurse to come get me NOW... so they did.. My family and I were so relieved to see her awake and talking with us. I'm sure she doesn't remember anything we said but who cares. Right?? She had a pretty good night last night so today they took the ng tube out. She still has an epidural and a pain pump. Will continue to monitor her and make sure her pain stays under control.. Her blood sugars have been really good too.. According to the nurses she is doing alot better than most less than 24 hours out of surgery.. Just a little while ago she asked the nurse would he help her sit up.. Yeah!!! 
I am so thankful everything turned out the way they did.. I know Tiffany has a long way to go but I know she can and will get through it. God is with her and he will continue to give her strength so one day soon she will be back to her old self!!! I also want to thank all you wonderful friends and family for your prayers,love and support during this difficult time.. God Bless you all!!! 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The night before...

Ok... I've tried writing this blog post twice now and it's gotten deleted... BOO to technical difficulties!

Words can't express how grateful i am to EVERYONE who has expressed their Love & support towards me these past few months, especially these past few days!! The outpouring love I've received has been mind-blowing!! Friends, family, friends of friends, people I don't really know... Everyone! SO extremely kind, supportive & never backing down... They're there even when I feel like I'm completely alone through this & its been my savior!

The wonderful prayers I've been receiving are truly felt!! I'm at a peace with this surgery through these last hours that typically wouldn't be normal & i know all of that is due to these amazing people I have in my life & prayer!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, love & support! I couldn't have gotten this far without them...
Don't stop yet... I'll have a LONG road ahead of me with recovery. Keep these amazing prayers coming for peace, calm, relaxation throughout these next few days / weeks, strength and courage, no complications, stress free days & a calming & strength for my family as well!!

Thank you so much again!! I'm so grateful & thankful!!
I'll see you on the other side... Minus a pancreas ;) 
                          «3 Tiff

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

It's Official...Surgery Is...

It's Official guys... Surgery is scheduled for...August 27th.  AAAHHH!  Can you say I feel a billion & one different emotions!! Excitement, Nervousness, Anxiety, Scared, Terrified & I can't even name the other emotions running through my head at the moment lol.  

This time has been so long anticipated, it's almost like a joke to be honest.  When I went in for my doctor's appointment last Wednesday, it was the LONGEST day of my life.. 
Mom & I didn't sleep the night before (as usual per our usual Tuesday night routine unfortunately), for some reason, the nights before we drive down to Charleston for my group therapy sessions, nether one of us sleep very well, or at all, it's insane..nerves or something. Needless to say, by the end of this day we were EXHAUSTED!! We "woke up" at 5:30ish, did our morning routines, & were out the door by 6:20 & on the road..by the time we got to Charleston it was nearing 9:45 & my sessions start @ 10:00 & last until 11:30.  This was my LAST session of required Pain Management group therapy, which I was excited & sad about, because I have started to appreciate the therapy & the cause of the group & I truly like the psychologist running the group.  Unfortunately, a good friend that I had met in group, had to miss this week, due to being hospitalized the day prior at MUSC, and I was the only one *in GROUP therapy* so it was very interesting doing a group therapy being the only one there with the psychologist & the medical student...we improvised a lot..but it worked out and I graduated!! ;-)  After that I went to see my friend for a little while, and then headed to my doctors appointment with my surgeon..Scheduled for 12:15(I got out of group early being the only person in there) An hour passed, then two, then almost three before we were called in to an exam room...after that we waited another HOUR before seeing my surgeon..YES, it was AFTER 4PM before seeing my surgeon, and my appointment was for 12:15(you are reading the times correctly!!) Then it was all a roller coaster, consent forms for surgery here, trial consent forms there, information about this here, nutrition before surgery there, THREE immunizations all at the same time.. it was insane!!! It was all happening at once. When people tell you everything happens at once, it truly does!! It's like everything gets put on hold hold hold, & then they take the hold button off & everything flies off the handle BAM! lol  We didn't leave the office until well after 5:30, we had to stop on the road a few times, just to stretch our legs & get some fresh air; it was a LONG day guys!; by the time we got home, it was nearing 12ish.. WHAT a long day that was.. Mom & I were exhausted.. When I told you in the beginning it was a LONG day, I wasn't kidding! haha ;-) Thank god for getting us through that horrific day, getting us home safely, & getting us through those 6weeks safely back & forth..Now we have to get through the surgery & the back & forth after.


I will head down to Charleston Tuesday night, with me pre-surgery nutritional supplements in tow, head to the hospital early Wednesday AM, get fasting labs(for my clinical trial), ultrasound & then I'm free until my room is ready, head back once my room is ready, get my central line placed, have more labs drawn & then have the clinical trial drug(Reberaxin) started around 2am.  Thursday AM, bright & early I'll go into the OR (I'm told around 5-7 AM) & then I bid my pancreas farewell forever...bittersweet but it unfortunately isn't a choice; it's a situation where it's a "not if but when"

I am anxious about my new lifestyle that I will have to live..what will it be like being a diabetic?  Will it be difficult changing my entire lifestyle & diet into a diabetic diet?  Will it be difficult having to measure out my foods..(although I do this a little now; it will be extreme after surgery) Will it be difficult giving myself injections of insulin & pricking my fingers every few hours for blood sugars?  What will this new lifestyle truly be like?? I pray this won't be a difficult adjustment.  

So for now, I ask for prayers for a peaceful next few weeks; to get me through these times of waiting.  You know waiting can be a trying time, and I want this time to be as peaceful on myself and my family as possible.  I also would like prayers, in advance, but of course the days leading up to & the day of surgery for my surgeon, my big total pancreatectomy with auto islet cell transplantation, the islet cell harvest into my liver to get very smoothly & perfect & NO complications with surgery or post-op complications.  This is pre-mature, I know, and I will ask for these prayers again, but beginning my prayers earlier than later means a lot to me. :) Prayer in general is very powerful and I can feel every one of your prayers, I promise you.. I wouldn't have gotten this far in my journey without your prayers and I'll continue to get through this with them.  I thank each & every one of you for the prayers that are sent my way and to my families way!!! <3<3

Thursday, July 16, 2015

L.i.M.B.O

Have you ever been stuck in limbo? Thats where we are at right now.. The most frustrating feeling ever!
I have been waiting for a "phone call" to get a potential surgery date for 4 weeks now.. & before that, even weeks prior. It's just an irritating process, when I am in a ton of pain, trying to make an incredibly hard decision on whether to change this dang pancreatic stent out or not prior to my total pancreatectomy or just ride it out..my doctor doesn't know what to do, I don't know what to do.. Like I said LIMBO! If I change it out, I'll be in the hospital for a week bc of my pancreas.. If I don't I could be putting myself at risk bc of the length of time the stent has been in there for... If I change it out I could/probably Will damage more of my very important islet cells for my transplant... What if I change the stents for nothing bc surgery gets scheduled within 4-6wks after stent exchange... If I wait.. I don't know...lots of decisions to be made for one little organ..hmmp.
These are the thoughts going through my mind daily, hourly sometimes!

 I've started my mandatory weekly Pain Management group therapy sessions & they seem to be going well. I won't get into too much detail about them but my favorite part has been my ability to improve on my meditation or what they call in therapy as "mindfullness/relaxation exercises" I've gotten pretty good at them & at the end of my 6 weeks, I'll get a disk of my psychologist going through them like she does in class & I'll be able to put them on my iPod, which sounds dorky but Will be much helpful post-op (if it ever happens) & I'm in a lot of pain.. I'll be able to escape to that relaxation place & try to forget about the pain I am in & focus on other things within my body, my breathing, my thoughts, etc..
This therapy has also taught a lot about acceptance. Accepting how we are in the present & how we can't change what is going on with our chronic illnesses & to try to focus on the now, not the past(which I don't do.. Doesn't do me any good) but to focus on the here & now. It's very refreshing. Ive completed 4 out of my 6..so 2 more to go.. Hopefully that's all that's standing in my way.

On a lighter side of things, this past month my entire family went to Aruba for a nice family vacation & get away. It was OH so needed & I'd like to go back NOW please! U think this was the perfect timing for the entire family to get away.. We are all so stressed about what's going on right now, even those who don't show it(I know it's there) it was great timing for a getaway! Let me just say Aruba is now One of my favorite places to be. The BEST weather around, it never rains, a breeze every day, beautiful clear water.. I couldn't ask for more! I had my amazing family by my side, my wonderful cousins who are more like my best friends & we had a blast. Can't wait & ready for our next trip! <3


I'd like to ask for some prayers of peace & relaxation throughout these next few weeks.. Pray for my doctors & their guidance to give me the best plan & a solid surgery date(finally), pray for peace within my mind(& my family bc I know this is wearing & tearing on them as well!) as well as relaxation.. I need to relax through all of these tough decisions & waiting around. I know God is watching over me & getting me through all the tough stuff but extra prayers are always welcomed!
I always appreciate the love & support & can't thank you enough!
Much love always.
<3 T

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Wishful Thinking...

So a lot has been going in these past few weeks.. A LOT.  I guess you can say that has been a good thing, keeping myself busy.. I've been going to weddings, spending time with family, dealing with some personal issues, painting, & of course going to the doctors (that doesn't ever change I feel like! HA) 

This seems to be the time for weddings.. One of a very close family member got married this past weekend & another close friend is getting married this coming weekend.  A bunch of close friends have gotten engaged recently & I am so ecstatically happy for them as well. This is such a joyous time in their lives & I am so blessed to be able to be apart of that next step & journey of their lives.  

So as everyone has known, this upcoming doctors appointment this past weekend was very anticipated.  It was very up in the air on what was to happen, what was to come of it, what I was to learn of the appointment, what was going to become of the appointment, it was very unknown & very unnerving to be honest... I knew I was going to have to meet with behavioral medicine(essentially the psychologist because of the transplant portion of my surgery this is required for my surgery) & then I knew I was meeting with my PA, but what was to be discussed, I had NO idea.. Whether I was getting my surgery date today, or not I had NO clue.. I was told I would but it was honestly up to them.. what they thought best for me and my plan of action for success.. I came into this appointment with anxiety and extreme nerves because I was waiting for this appointment for 2 months, in a lot of pain, and I am just extremely READY for this next step in my life and ready to start that journey of getting better; not staying in this stream of misery & pain & uncertainty for who knows how long.. this entire process is just very long, exhausting & stressful.  Not that is isn't suppose to be all roses & sunshine because it isn't at all; it's just extremely difficult to get from point A to point B. 
My appointment was not very successful Friday at all.. I was there for about 5 hours, without any success, I felt like.. I am now going to have to do mandatory Pain Management group therapy, which is apparently required for ALL transplant patients, for 6 weeks, prior to surgery.  Now whether I do 2-3 prior to surgery & then finish the rest after surgery is a possibility or I have to do all 6 before surgery is entirely up to the doctors.  They will decide while I am in group sessions & surgery could get scheduled as quickly as within 2 week after therapy has started.  I will be with people similar to me, either other pancreatitis patients or post-op Total Pancreatectomy patients, and I will learn Pain Management coping skills; which will be very helpful post operative, especially if my epidural fails, or my pain is just so incredible that I need extra pain coping skills.  I will start sessions June 24 and hopefully do the 24 & the 1st & see what happens after that. This is a good thing but it just sucks big because it is postponing my surgery an extra 6 weeks maximum when I truly do need it as soon as possible. 
The downfall to having to do this is I will need yet ANOTHER surgery to exchange my stents that are in my pancreas right now keeping my ducts open.  We have held off on that for too long at this point, just because we anticipated surgery to be at the beginning of July.  Surgery could STILL be anytime in July, BUT I can't take that chance of waiting anymore & hurt my ducts or have them perforate with a bad stent in them, because that would be a horrible situation.  I am already in a horrible amount of pain, so the stents need to be changed out.  The bad thing about this is I have been holding out on the surgery because I didn't want my pancreas to be "touched or messed with" if I could hold off before major surgery just because every time we go in & change those stents, it makes my pancreas angry, and when that happens, I lose islet cells, which are those extra important cells I'll need for my transplant!!  I need extra prayers for those special islet cells for my transplant and I just can't have those cells damaged anymore than they have been in the past .... it's just a big deal to me and a scary situation because I don't want to lose anymore of those than what has to be lost so I can get the maximum amount for my surgery & transplant!! The more amount you get for transplant the better changes you have later on for recovery!!!
I know this is a lot of information and more information that you want to know about the pancreas, and I'm sorry... I know everything about the pancreas at this point with my disease!  lol  

in Charleston at the Drs
So at this point, I ask for prayers to get me through a few weeks of group therapy successfully & that I can schedule surgery quickly because I truly am ready.. I am SO ready... I feel like I am hanging on by a thread honestly.  My body is hanging on by a thread .  I know this is needed, it's just a sucky need at this point.. lol Please pray for a smooth transition with this Pain Management & a good learning curve.. I truly want a good result with it... I know it's not what I wanted, but it's what God wanted and I can handle that!  Just keep the prayers coming that surgery happens soon.. that the stent exchange is smooth & doesn't make my pancreas angry or upset & that I get scheduled for surgery pretty quickly & soon.  Once that happens, I'll have much more to update you on.  I'll update with more throughout therapy but until I know for sure when surgery is, it may be a little quiet, just because I don't want to repeat my writings & bother you guys ;) 

Love you guys SO much & I appreciate you're sticking with me through all of this and ALL of your support.  I feel all of your prayers, support, and love.  It means SO much to me and I can't thank you enough..
<3 T
with Baby Mikey at this sweet baptism :)

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Word for thought..

 In the past 5 years, I've definitely become more resilient & stronger.  I've overcame things I NEVER knew I could overcome.  I'm so thankful for God, my faith & the strength I've been given to get me through all my struggles & challenges day in & day out with this disease, and I am ready to take on this next chapter in my life in recovery to finally beat this horrible disease.  I am thankful I am being given the opportunity to fight this disease off & trade my disease for another (although the trade off does sound a little grim, I'll trade my CP for T1D anyday if it's going to give me a true life I haven't had in years) I don't know what it's like to live like a normal 20something year old because all I've done is be sick, live in the hospital, be connected to IV's, take medicine, have IVs connected to me 24/7 at home, & so forth & so on.  Taking this trade off & getting a second chance at life is such a blessing & gift from God, I don't know how to give my thanks, except to help others & help them through their experience through blogging, meeting others like myself & sharing my experience, & giving back to the world with my new, healthy body I am getting ready to receive!!  I can't wait to scream from the roof tops how happy and healthy I am, once that day comes, I'll be smiling from ear to ear & praying to God, THANKING GOD, that I am alive, healthy & living my newly given life.  Thank you to EVERYONE who prays for me daily, sends out those amazing text messages & supporting emails, FB posts, phone calls, etc to myself & my family.  They are so greatly appreciated and I feel your strength & it lifts me up daily.  Thank you Thank you!!  The prayers are still greatly appreciated & all of your continued support is welcomed. 

 I will update when there is something to update with (more than likely after my visit to Charleston in 2 weeks).  I am coping right now.  It's definitely a struggle right now, but a struggle I am taking on with stride.  I CAN and I WILL get through this next month (or a few months, whatever I am handed) til my surgery.  I know I can do it because I am stronger than I feel sometimes, but God is right there with me every step of the way, carrying me through the difficult parts I may not feel like I can get through on my own.  These struggles with my pain, fatigue & exhaustion, & then insomnia, anxiety, & everything else I am just handing over to my faith & praying it's taken care of.  Everything will work itself out & all will be A-OK! :)
See you in a few weeks (::fingers crossed:: with some great news) 
<3 T

  





Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Hello June!!

Hello June! Oh how I am ready for this month!! It's pretty jam packed with lots of fun, doctors appointments, family and friends & me time as well. 
I'll be heading back down to Charleston the second week of June for my 2nd appt with behavioral medicine (gotta make sure I'm not cray cray you know (; ) and meet with my doctor again for any last minute questions & concerns, meet with anesthesia (which is always my favorite part since I work with anesthesia it's the easiest part to me), & sign consent forms (aka signing my life away). I'm very ready for this appointment, as my pain is increasing becoming harder to manage everyday.. It's a struggle but I'm not giving up my fight.. EVER! I'll be getting my official surgery date then as well, even though I have my TBD date.. My official date will make it SO real... I'm very ready for this. Anxious. Nervous. Excited. Scared. Ready. Not ready. Along with just about every other adjective you can think of in the book, that's me right now. I'm very ready though.. It's almost time & I honestly never thought this day would get here but it has. One reason I never thought it wouldn't be here is because I truly believed I'd be better before this day, but God has much larger plans for me & I can't wait to see what those plans are.. What's in store for me; the ride is going to be one hell of a ride but it'll be sweet & amazing. God is great!! 
June is also an amazing month because it's my birthday month.. WAHOO! I'll be spending part of my birthday month with my family on a vacation to ARUBA!! This trip is OH SO NEEDED & I absolutely cannot wait! I love family vacations. Spending time with my family is such a blessing, making those memories with my loved ones & my favorite little cousins who I adore & are more like my siblings than cousins.. The fun we have when we're all together is epic.
June is going to be amazing! Family vacations, family time, friend time already reserved to go paint(my favorite past time), surgery dates & farewell parties for my pancreas! I'll continue to stay as active as I have been, or my body will let me continue to be until my surgery date.  As my moto has been; I am building the strongest, healthiest body possible to get me through the toughest surgery of my life, so I can ROCK this recovery with flying colors!! I want to go into this surgery the healthiest I can to make it as easy as possible on my body to recovery, as well as to make it easier on me to get back into shape once I get the OK from my physicians to start being active again.  I don't plan on sitting on my butt too long licking my wounds & moping around.  I want to take this recovery by it's tail & show it who's boss from the beginning to the end!! All I need to do now is stay in tip top shape until my surgery date, which is now all up to God & prayers!

Please keep those thankful prayers coming & special prayers for my health in this next month to get me through until my surgery is scheduled!! I don't need any unnecessary surgeries prior to having my TP/AIT! 
I'm so thankful to EVERYONE who have been sending me prayers daily & continue to pray for me. I wouldn't be where I am today without your support and love & I just want you to know that if I don't tell you personally, they are greatly appreciated & felt!
~xo T

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

May Living

So it's been a little while since I've written a nice blog post..I've missed it.  Things have been pretty busy around here lately, which is a good things; to keep my mind off of everything else going on in my life health wise; it's always a nice distraction ;-)  May has been a pleasant month so far with a few hiccups along the way; Mother's Day, the Greek Festival & a couple doctors appointments...

Mother's Day was very nice.  Although I spend everyday with my mom & we are very close, we spent the day together; not really doing anything special in the beginning, except going for our usual walk.  Later in the day, I decided I wanted to treat her to a nice dinner, because she does OH SO MUCH for me, and she truly deserves the world.  I wish I could have given her more than I did, and I know she appreciates everything I give her, but if I could give her the world I sure would.  She truly has been my rock through this entire process I've been going through & I'm not sure where I'd be without here to be honest.  The sacrifices she's made for me, the loss of sleep she's gotten because of me, the arguing with insurance companies to try to make sure everything is taken care in that department for my surgery, & just making sure I am OK in general - She is a true gem!!! Oh how I love her!!! 

Happy Mother's Day!!!
The Greek Festival was this past weekend..it was a blast as always!!  I helped in the beer booth, where I always help, as much as I possibly could, although my energy levels just aren't up to par these days.  This is very disappointing & frustrating.  I could work all day & night, every shift popping my Mythos bottles a couple years ago, & now I have a hard time hanging around after a couple of hours, especially being on my feet for a good few hours, because the pressure in my back becomes so incredibly intense I can hardly move.  I thank God every day for giving me life & just being alive, but I also thank God for bringing me this opportunity to get better & possibly have this cure once & for all.  Be ready, because next years Greek Festival will be just a good as this years, but the old/NEW me will be back in business!! ;-D

I've been finding many different things for "therapy" to take my mind off of my pain when it becomes too much to handle.  Yoga has been my go to & that has helped with relaxation plenty, but walking has helped me a lot as well.. It helps take my mind off of the pain I am in & I can think & concentrate on other things instead of the pain I am currently in... If the pain is just too excruciating, I turn to meditation for relaxation methods.  Another method I have found to be relaxing has been painting.. I'm not too good at it, but it is fun & I love doing abstract type paintings.  They're so easy to attempt & it's hard to mess those up.  I can paint & paint & the next thing I know 4hours have passed by.  
Time is closing in on my time to head back down to Charleston, & I will get my official date of surgery.  It is TBD for July, but I'll know for sure June 12.  It's a little nerve wrecking, but I am ready.  I'm ready for this to be over with so I can be on the road to recovery...such a scary thought but I know it needs to be done.
Walking Goals
Abstract Paintings:  Tape Painting(Left) & Blended Abstract(Right)

Prayers that I ask for are decrease pain throughout these next two months until I have surgery;  I have to make it until my Total Pancreatectomy without having another surgery/stent exchange! 
Prayers for a good harvest when the surgery does happen, so we can have a less chance of developing diabetes post-operation once they mature.
Prayers for myself & my family to have peace within ourselves & for the entire process in general.
After my doctors appointment in June I'll get more specific about surgical prayers & doctor prayers & whatnot. :)
I truly appreciate all of the love, support, & prayers I've been receiving; it means the world to me & I can't thank you all enough!!
Love, Tiff <3

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Keeping On, Keeping On

If you know me well enough you know I am a fitness guru.  I love anything about fitness, whether it be going to the gym, home workouts, stepping out of my comfort zone & taking a new workout class, or just plain & simple walking.  Simply being active makes me smile & always make me happy! With my illness, it has interfered quite a bit with my exercise habits that I use to have, just because my energy levels have gone down the drain; although that DOES NOT mean I have stopped being active at all.  I still attempt & try my absolute very best to go, for a  minimum, 30 minute-hour walk a day, as well as some sort of strength training to keep some sort of muscle on my body.  Does this mean I succeed in this goal daily, unfortunately no, but I try my absolutely damnest to get there!  I have been working extra hard on my strength training & yoga, that I have always loved, these past few weeks because I want to be in the best shape that I can be before I go into this surgery to make it just a tad more easier for my recovery process.  The stronger & healthier I can make myself before surgery, the better it will make me post-op for recovery, post-op infection, & just plain 'ol getting back to my old NEW self quicker!! (Sounds Great to me!!) :)

I always love to give reviews on things that I try workout wise, especially home workouts & such, seeing I have become a home workout guru!  I have been a Tone It Up girl for 3, going on 4 years now & I absolutely love their nutrition plan as well as all of their workouts.  They will always be my go-to for workouts & starting point!  Karina & Katrina are amazing women & know their stuff when it comes to a nutrition plan & kicking your booty in a workout.  Although I can't follow the nutrition plan truly these days, I can attest that it does work, the results are REAL & true & if you've ever contemplated getting a nutrition plan from an online trainer or anything like that, these are the girls to go with.  You're a member for life, you get constant updates & tips for these beautiful ladies & their FREE YouTube videos, as well as their BeachBabe DVDs are fabulous! 

Bikini Yoga
Routines from Tone It Up


I also drink Shakeology pretty much daily, from Beachbody.  That has helped me immensely through this entire process!  I'm not too sure if it's truly helped me health wise, just because I am so severely sick, although I can tell you there are SO many benefits to Shakeology that do help you in the health department.  It's been proven to decrease blood pressure, cholesterol, help with diabetes, aid in digestion, among other health conditions; so this truly is a wonderful product.  It has helped me with my digestion, curb my cravings & decrease my intense sugar cravings, which I have a ton, which my horrible hormone imbalance with the pancreatitis sugar cravings are a side effect & shakeo helps a lot with that!! I'm not here trying to sell you this product (although I do sell it, so if you're interested, please contact me at my email)  I'm just giving my review like I've wanted to do for a while now. :)  I, myself, love the vanilla flavor.  There are 4 flavors in regular, vanilla, chocolate, greenberry, & strawberry, & chocolate vegan & tropical strawberry vegan.  There are hundreds of recipes to tailor the shakeology to your likings.  I honestly love it with plain unsweetened almond milk & ice, simple, but it tastes almost like ice cream. I could name probably 20 recipes off the top of my head to do that are SO easy! Like I said before, this is just another supplement that I drink for me, to benefit me & I love it.
I pretty much have every Beachbody workout out there & I'll do individual reviews for all of them later on throughout the month, but I am here to say they are all very challenging & will for sure give you A: drenched in sweat & a great workout B: results C: your moneys worth(if that's your concern)
Regular Shakeology Flavors
I'll continue to be active until my body tells me I can't.  Like I mentioned above, whether I'm simply walking around the block, mall walking, doing a relaxing yoga routine or strength training, I'll be doing SOMETHING, and I'll be pushing myself even more until my surgery comes around so I can be 150% ready for it & recovery even quicker! With my strength, Gods strength, prayers & faith I can get through this with flying colors!! Keep a look out, I'll continue to do reviews on other workout programs that I've done or will be doing to help anyone out on if their looking into them or would like to know more about them. :)  Stay Positive!! <3

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Unleash the Creativity

 Calling all my DIY addicts...
I am not a very experienced DIY girl at all..let me make this clear before starting this post!! BUT I do LOVE DIY projects.. Hence this post! ;-) DIY projects mean the most to me because they have meaning behind them..there was thought & love into the creation; I cherish those creations a bit more.
My favorite of them all.. paintings!  I am not an artist but abstracts, I love.. and I love creating something so weird for it to turn into something so beautiful.  I could sit on pinterest for HOURS just searching, pinning, & admiring the beauties of the arts & things I'd love to re-create one day.. With the added time I have on my hands these days...sitting & waiting, it has brought out my inner artsy-self & I'm in my "I wanna paint & create more" esp just to redecorate more at a lower cost. And who doesn't love to paint every once in a while??!! :-)


Making of a Masterpiece::My own to come!::
On the health front, because I know some of you are pretty interested & are inquiring.. I am in a waiting period at the moment.. which BTW is VERY difficult.. to sit around & just wait..wait..wait.. Everyone else who has been in my very position I honestly don't know how you got through this period without killing someone or going insane! It's driving me crazy at times, which is why I am trying my best to stay as busy, active & positive as possible.  My body only lets me be as active as I can, which isn't very much but I am testing those levels every day.  I am in a considerable amount of pain, but I am handling it to the best as I can.  God is with my daily and he is getting me through these tough moments.  Thanking God everyday for giving me my strength to get through the next day & giving thanks for just being Alive, bringing me THIS Far & bringing me the hope that there IS that light at the end of the tunnel that I WILL get to for my everlasting peace of healing & hopeful "cure" to a better life!! Thank you God & everyone around me for their daily support, love & just being you!! <3

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Control..

We may not always understand the struggle at the moment but it's truth will reveal itself when ready! God is in control! #amen  Releasing that control to God is a very frightening thing.  Now being in control of your life is a very frightening thing; or at least feeling like you're not in control of your life.. the truth of the matter is, you are completely in control of it.  God knows your path, every single bit of it & he will guide you to the exact place you need to be!  It's already been planned out for you.  No need to fret on the little things (although TRUST ME, it is very hard not too at times) everything will be A-OK! God is with you through this entire journey in this crazy thing we call life & he will bring us to the right place were suppose to be, at the right time!! Keep that faith!! <3

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

When life throws you lemons..

Words very heavy in my heart.





 Just living with a chronic illness has it's own struggles day in & day out.  Keeping my strong faith helps me keep my positive attitude throughout this entire process, set backs, difficulties & struggles, good & bad days: all of the above.  It's the knowing that there is a higher power above ultimately making that end decision & he is in ultimate control of everything; God is Good & he will make everything better.(This I DO believe)  Through all the financial struggles, insurance issues & difficulties & uncertainties going on, I have true faith in God that through these deep waters, he is my strength, my refuge, & he will show that miracle when it is time to shine!  Lesson from this blog isn't just for those struggling from a chronic illness or disease; it's for everyone! Everyone has daily struggles, whether it's a career struggle, reaching a goal, fighting your inner self, whatever it may be:  the key is to KEEP YOUR FAITH.  You can't reach those goals & dreams without faith in yourself & a higher being.  Losing faith is why you're always starting over & why things fail constantly.  Stay in tune with yourself & keep your faith; you CAN do this, what it is!
Always remember to keep that faith!! ✞
When I am afraid I will put all trust in you. Psalm 56:3 
Trust in the lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

With Love <3


Monday, April 6, 2015

Love & Gratitude

When I first became ill, I kept it very quiet in the beginning.  The main people that knew were my main family members & just a couple of my close friends.  To be honest, I didn't really take it that seriously in the beginning.  Even with the research I did, I thought, "oh after a surgery or two, I'll be as good a new.. even though I feel like crap now; all of this will work out & I'll be fine, no big deal" HA!  Little did I know, I was in for the ride of my life; surgery after surgery, tests & labs one after another, so many hospital stays I can't even count or keep track of anymore.. Who would have thought when all of this first began, I would have ended up here, and I'd be in for a surgery of a lifetime:  pancreas removal ..  Surgically induced type 1 diabetic.. Life changer!!  I sure as heck never thought that in the very beginning, that's for sure.  I have learned SO much through all of this that life is not a joke nor should we ever take anything for-granted. You never know when it may change in a split second before you; due to a car accident, birth defects (like in my case) & then complications of a surgical procedure, life events or personal family matters -- anything out there can happen for life altering events.  We take our lives for-granted so often; take a step back & appreciate what we truly have in our lives:  our families & friends, LIFE, air in our lungs, the chance to make relationships with people, for some people health, fitness & nutrition, education & careers, etc.  Stop & smell the roses every once in a while & appreciate the little things again.. Remember to tell the people in your life you love them & they matter to you.  

Ever since my illness has become more chronic & especially recently, the more people have learned about what is to come in my upcoming future with surgery & recovery; I have had an outpouring of love & affection from an incredible amount of friends & family.  A lot of them are from my spiritual family at church, which is so humbling at the outpouring love & support I've received from them.  Spiritual family members are there for you in time of need & the amount of love & support I have received in just the last few weeks (and even just today) was overwhelming wonderful.  Words can't express how thankful, blessed, loved & appreciative I am for all of the support, love & prayers I am receiving.  Knowing I have all of that support behind me & having that extra backbone truly helps; lifts that little bit of anxiety off my shoulders in time of despair & knowing you have all of those people in your corner praying for you is comforting in those times of need.  I feel like I can't show enough gratitude towards everyone but I truly am so incredibly gracious!!  Thank you for the continued prayers in the upcoming weeks & months through this entire process.  I'll continue to thank every one of you as I see you individually, as well as showing my appreciation throughout the entire community whenever possible.

I've met some incredible people along this journey so far that will forever be my friends through this thing called life.  We all share a special bond; our pasts (soon to be mine as well) include CP, and we've all gone through or are getting ready to go through a difficult path towards the road to recovery: TP/AIT.  The best part is we share this special bond of having overcame this amazingly debilitating disease & fought like hell to get to where we are today.. I know I sure as hell will be doing that.. recovery isn't easy I'm being reminded day in & day out from my fellow friends:  but there IS a silver lining at the end of the tunnel with the light waiting for you. NO PANCREAS PAIN.  No more daily heavy dose pain meds to make the pancreas pain go away (after some time passes from surgery of course).  You get to EAT again.  You get your LIFE back! I am in.  Thank you to every one of my fellow TP/AIT troupers; you guys will forever be my friends & support through all of this.. I couldn't have asked God to bring a better group of people into my life for support & guidance through this entire process; that alone was it's own miracle.  I look forward to the day we can officially celebrate the right way! 

Much Love & Gratitude
xo-T